THE HIDDEN VIRUS

I went to high school in North Highlands, California, which is a suburb of Sacramento. It enveloped McCllelan Air Force Base, which was the basis for the local economy. The best part about the location was, since my high school was near an AFB, it was extremely diverse. I think that white folks were actually the minority. I think we had pretty much all of the ethnic bases covered among my peer group. I was pretty fortunate.

One of my better friends was Mike, who happened to be white, and who also happened to be the younger brother of another friend. We hung out at the same corner, shared a lot of similar values, and for some reason just hit it off. We remained close friends even after I moved to San Jose for college in the early 90’s. Although we both had busy schedules, families growing and careers on the rise, we always made it a point to stay in touch. Typically it was through camping since we were both huge fans of being outdoors

Then 2016 and the election happened.

Prior to the election, even though Mike and I have always shared differing political viewpoints, it was never an issue. Typically nothing more than drunken banter. We knew, even subconsciously I guess, that it didn’t really matter. Our friendship was bigger than our political views. That was a good feeling.

Then it all changed.

Although we were both pretty busy with our own families and responsibilities, as well as living in different cities, we started connecting a lot less frequently than we had in the past. Life was getting in the way. He did work construction though, so on rare occasions he would have a job in the Bay Area, and would stay in town during the week until the job was done. It was on one of these occasions in 2015 that we last met. We met for lunch.

When we met there were two things that I noticed. One was a weird feeling, like I was preparing for a debate - or to fight - or something - just kind of an on edge feeling. That was coupled with how much love I had for Mike. I’d known him for years. We’d shared our formative years together AND my mom loved him, so it was almost like he was my brother. Once we said our hellos, we fell right into the comfort of our friendship. Then we started talking politics. Things didn’t get heated, but there were strong differences of opinion. Differences that I’m sure we had all along, but had never really been forced to pick a side.

We started questioning systems that we’d never questioned earlier, just because it kept being put in our ears.

Our differences felt like they took on personalities of their own. The open mindedness with which we used to converse around politics, morphed into some sort of clannish thought depository. Almost as if, subconsciously, we had no choice but to pick a side. Thankfully, when we’d get to that point, one of us would bring up something light hearted - a childhood memory, ‘where they are now’ questions about past friends, etc., - and the tone would be lifted, albeit temporarily. We’d repeat the cycle until the end of our meal.

As we exited the restaurant and were walking to our cars, I remember still having the feelings about Mike that I had when I was younger. He was still one of my best friends, and hoped for the best for him - and I truly believe that he felt the same way about me.

Mike and I haven’t really spoken since that day, several summers ago. I don’t believe our feelings have changed for each other, but I do think we’ve allowed political polarization to undermine our bond. We’ve allowed societal shifts the power to dictate our relationship. Kind of like a virus. We’ve allowed it to infect our minds, and we subconsciously continue to feed it with parallel banter.

I do know that the only known cure for this particular virus is communication - coupled with an open mind. Without it, the self inflicted virus can mutate and disrupt almost every area of our lives - which in some cases, it already has. I know too, that, like the current Covid virus that this particular virus requires ‘two shots’. The first involves an openness to honest dialogue, and the second, and the harder one to deal with, is an understanding that our connections are stronger than our differences. I also know that I need to get my shot soon. otherwise the virus will continue to mutate.